So yesterday I forgot to take a picture of my 30x30 Remix outfit, I know bad girl! But I wore my green vintage button up, a sweater vest, vintage sailor pants and vintage boots. Yah! Yesterday ended up being an awful day and thus I did not take an outfit picture. I found out that my ceremony location hadn't been booked as I was led to believe and now I don't know what to do. I'm absolutely heart broken. I loved the location for the ceremony, it was perfect, it was the woods and clearing that my childhood friends and I frequented... It's the woods that was my entire childhood and three blocks away from my mom's house where I grew up. I'm so furious that I was led to believe I had the location when the person hadn't booked it, I had made plans, told people, etc. I could've made the booking myself but was told not to worry about it that it would be taken care of over a month ago. So yes tears were shed all yesterday.
It was a miserable day. Not only with that though, it started out bad. I had a delivery with my boss, it went well but on the way back on a turn the art shifted and fell to the other side. Well now I have to repair some ornate frames that are cracked. Then my one co-worker was supposed to go in early to open the gallery and go to an important meeting while my boss and I were out. But as we pulled up at quarter after 11a, she was pulling up too. Really over two hours late. So the gallery wasn't open for over TWO hours, we had a ton of messages from clients "Where are you?". I was livid. And then I get a email that someone just booked my ceremony location and I need to replan. What? I thought it was already booked for me! Just writing this I am fuming.
And to top it off I had to return my jacket to the dry cleaners for the third time. I took it in cause the buttons had fallen of and I was being lazy and didn't want to sew them on, also it's wool and was dirty. So I pick it up, oh it wasn't cleaned cause I left things in the pockets... Check it out, it's the buttons that were supposed to be sewn on that were put by the worker into the pockets. Ok... So I go back pick my coat up. It has the buttons, it's clean. Go to put it on. One button isn't in the right place, sewn at an angle creating a ripple in the fabric and is going through my pocket so I can't use it. Really, they sewed my pocket shut? Come on. So again yesterday after my aggrivating day at work I dropped it off again. The girl that works there is sweet, she's a nice girl but laughs at the stupidity of the tailor. How could you not see all the mistakes? She finds amusement in it because the tailor is one of those types that thinks they are amazing and can do no wrong. So I told her to tell the tailor I came in furious and upset, let's bring the ego of the woman making every mistake on my jacket down a notch....
Ok well this was an angry post.... Onto the FBFF Questions for the week!
This weeks questions are centered around body image. As many of my followers know I don't have any problem talking about
my insecurities but I do try to not come off as whining. Everyone has insecurities and I think it shows great strength to voice yours. So here are this weeks questions with my answers, make sure to go to
ModlyChic's blog to find out more about FBFF and possibly join!
1. Since you started blogging has your image of yourself changed?
Well I am kinda narcissistic, I think everyone is to a degree. But for me being in a visual industry, looks matter and also just with the fact of drawing and painting, you have to be hyper aware of body movement, shadows, facial structure. So I have spent a lot of time taking reference photos and looking in the mirror for art. I would have to say what this blog changed about me is that now I put my narcissism out in the open. And I don't use narcissism as a bad term. We all need it in our lives and embrace it. I do feel also that I am now able to take chances everyday in my wardrobe where as before I only did it sometimes. I have found what makes me look good in pictures and what accurately represents me. I am not someone who takes tons of photos, usually what you see is all I took, I feel this blog had taught me how much awareness I have with my own body and poses and what looks good for me, which I learned from years of figure drawing and years of painting myself.
2. Are you self-conscious about any aspect of yourself? If so, do you go out of your way to avoid it or do you post it/talk about it anyway?
I am very self conscious about my nose. In junior high I hated my nose, then I learned to love it. Lately though I have started getting frustrated with it again. But not in the same way. I love my nose but I don't like that it's the strongest part of my face, I wish I had bigger eyes, or stronger brows, or larger lips, to counteract the size of my nose. I am also super self conscious about my upper arms, thighs and knees... I know I know, it's ridiculous but that is my stupid girl ridiculousness.
I haven't ever tried to hide the things purposely, of course I buy certain clothes that tend to hide my flaws and accentuate my assets (ie: I have a teeny waist 24-25", but big hips 38-39" so I keep to Aline skirts). Being the artist that I am and with my knowledge of photo editing and what not I have been tempted to edit my photos to hide my flaws. But I really don't have time for that, and know that this would just be giving myself something that I probably can't live up to.
3. Based on how you are feeling now, what do you think the future holds in the evolution of your body image?
I think that everyone will have self conscious thoughts on their body. There has always been that since really the beginning of modern society. I think no one will ever be satisfied and that's ok. If you were completely content with everything about yourself then what would push you to evolve and learn? To be healthier and happier? Just as in art, an artist should never be completely satisfied, you should always push yourself forward and your favorite art piece should always be the next one.
4. Do you photograph yourself for your blog? If so, how do you feel about the experience when you're having your picture taken? If you choose not to post pictures of yourself, what prompted that decision?
I photograph myself most of the time in the store room of my gallery. It's where I photograph art so it's an easy setup to grab pictures. Sometimes Kevin, my fiance, Sara, or Jen my flatmate takes my pictures. I haven't ever had any bad experience with my images, I have never had a bad comment or have been poorly judged, by my readers or IRL friends. I guess my "real" friends are most all artists and very visual, and taking pictures of yourself is kinda a norm. Nothing is too odd about it, but I guess taking them everyday is a bit odd ;)
5. What would you want every person who struggles with body image to take to heart?
Just that they need to realize that they aren't alone. I mean heck there's the
Vitruvian man, that most men can't live up too. There were
fake beards that Pharaohs wore,
Ancient Greeks bleached their hair,
tan skin was popularized by Coco Chanel, women in the renaissance
plucked their hairline for a bigger forehead, and for hundreds of years women wore bustles and hoops to make their butts or hips look bigger. So yeah everyone has body image issues, but also those issues change when our society's beauty norm changes. One of my body issues is that I don't have the "cherub" or girlie facial structure that is very popular in modern American culture, magazines, and film. I have the long face structure that is more popular in Europe and in different time periods, Renaissance/PreRaphaelite... And I have come to accept it, but that doesn't mean I'm still not self conscious, or aggravated that I don't have the all american cute girl next door look. I think the best is to accept some of your body image issues and embrace them. I mean you have to find enjoyment in life, and you have to accept that sometimes you won't like what you see, and once you do that maybe you can be ok with that self doubt and start repairing it.
{ 30x30 Materials Used }
Plum Sweater } Gap Outlet, 6 years ago
Beige Dress } Vintage
Shoes } UO, on sale
--added--
Necklace } F21, 5 years ago
Belt } UO, on sale and resewn
Tights } Kohls
Hat } UO, on sale
Upset Huggles,
Lauren
