Honestly Honest
I loved my outfit today, I felt it was out the Zara website, but I wasn't liking my body in it at all. You can tell it's getting dark and dreary because everyone is getting self conscious and mopey. I know I shouldn't complain and I don't want to come off as a sad, whiny little girl but, after reading Morgan's post I realized anyone who isn't self conscious about something is lying.
Everyone sees their own flaws, even if they don't exist. I personally feel that I need to loose some weight to even feel like clothes look good on me. I look through these blogs, and you know which ones are some of the most successful? The girls with waif like proportions. I wish I could be like that, but it's hard to find a girl with a similar body type as me. I love blogging, and I've been doing it for years, but I wonder if it is hurting my self esteem.
I love blogging what I wear, it makes me get up in the morning and care about what I put on which gives me a smile of pride for the day. And I've met such amazing girls that I know our friendship will last after this phase. But I find myself more and more dissatisfied with my body and comparing myself more to these more naturally thin girls on the interwebs. With that I have been drawing myself away from blogs that give you a false sense of reality and girls that I find myself being jealous of their natural look, but in turn that draws me away from the blogging community. And that stinks. I get jealous that it seems that they workout minimally and I work out and never see any difference in the scale or the measuring tape, and I hold those feelings against lovely girls that have never done anything to me.
I want to create new relationships through this blog and community but I really don't feel any feedback. So then I start to think, why do people not like my blog? I like it, why don't you? And I know it's not a contest to see how many readers you get, but it does validate what you are doing when someone responds to the thoughts you've thrown out. I do try to respond to every comment, and I know I fail at it sometimes, but why does it seem that when I leave constructive comments daily, I get no response. This just fuels my insecurity of my size and weight, like well they just don't think clothes look good on me, or they see my pudgy arms and knees, etc. I know in my brain I'm not large but all I see is the chubby, awkward girl I was in highschool who was called fat and ugly. So I don't know, I'm in a conundrum, I love cataloging my outfits and taking fun pictures of my life, but I don't feel like it's very interesting to anyone else which in turn makes me think I shouldn't even bother.
(I don't want anyone who is a great reader of mine to feel offended, I love you all so much and cherish your comments! Jill, Nicole, Victoria, Sara, Ebony, Wangari, Terri, Tess, Christy, Ralph, Amber, Caitlin, oh and anyone else I forgot, you all keep me doing this, I love reading your comments!)
I know Sara and I have discussed this a lot, but what about you guys? Do you find yourself comparing your body more to these girls you admire through their blogs? Do you think one of the only ways to be an admired style blogger is to be thin? I know that this isn't law in the blog world, but do you feel like these blogs are just feeding into advertising's creation of the "ideal" female?
And on to the outfit, Sorry about the mopey post.
} Outfit Details
Dress } H&M
Sweater Vest } The depths of my closet
Socks } Sock Dreams, years ago
Hat } UO
Boots } Candies via Kohls
Belt } My Mom's
Jacket } Element
Thanks for listening
beijos e abraços,
Lauren
