Honestly Honest






 


 

I loved my outfit today, I felt it was out the Zara website, but I wasn't liking my body in it at all. You can tell it's getting dark and dreary because everyone is getting self conscious and mopey. I know I shouldn't complain and I don't want to come off as a sad, whiny little girl but, after reading Morgan's post I realized anyone who isn't self conscious about something is lying.

Everyone sees their own flaws, even if they don't exist. I personally feel that I need to loose some weight to even feel like clothes look good on me. I look through these blogs, and you know which ones are some of the most successful? The girls with waif like proportions. I wish I could be like that, but it's hard to find a girl with a similar body type as me. I love blogging, and I've been doing it for years, but I wonder if it is hurting my self esteem.

I love blogging what I wear, it makes me get up in the morning and care about what I put on which gives me a smile of pride for the day. And I've met such amazing girls that I know our friendship will last after this phase. But I find myself more and more dissatisfied with my body and comparing myself more to these more naturally thin girls on the interwebs. With that I have been drawing myself away from blogs that give you a false sense of reality and girls that I find myself being jealous of their natural look, but in turn that draws me away from the blogging community. And that stinks. I get jealous that it seems that they workout minimally and I work out and never see any difference in the scale or the measuring tape, and I hold those feelings against lovely girls that have never done anything to me.

I want to create new relationships through this blog and community but I really don't feel any feedback. So then I start to think, why do people not like my blog? I like it, why don't you? And I know it's not a contest to see how many readers you get, but it does validate what you are doing when someone responds to the thoughts you've thrown out. I do try to respond to every comment, and I know I fail at it sometimes, but why does it seem that when I leave constructive comments daily, I get no response. This just fuels my insecurity of my size and weight, like well they just don't think clothes look good on me, or they see my pudgy arms and knees, etc. I know in my brain I'm not large but all I see is the chubby, awkward girl I was in highschool who was called fat and ugly. So I don't know, I'm in a conundrum, I love cataloging my outfits and taking fun pictures of my life, but I don't feel like it's very interesting to anyone else which in turn makes me think I shouldn't even bother.

(I don't want anyone who is a great reader of mine to feel offended, I love you all so much and cherish your comments! Jill, Nicole, Victoria, Sara, Ebony, Wangari, Terri, Tess, Christy, Ralph, Amber, Caitlin, oh and anyone else I forgot, you all keep me doing this, I love reading your comments!)

I know Sara and I have discussed this a lot, but what about you guys? Do you find yourself comparing your body more to these girls you admire through their blogs? Do you think one of the only ways to be an admired style blogger is to be thin? I know that this isn't law in the blog world, but do you feel like these blogs are just feeding into advertising's creation of the "ideal" female?

And on to the outfit, Sorry about the mopey post.

} Outfit Details
  Dress } H&M
  Sweater Vest } The depths of my closet
  Socks } Sock Dreams, years ago
  Hat } UO
  Boots } Candies via Kohls
  Belt } My Mom's
  Jacket } Element

Thanks for listening

beijos e abraços,
Lauren

15 comments:

tess | November 13, 2010 at 6:22 AM

I love your knotted belt in this outfit.

Blogging, as accepting of a form of expression is it, naturally leads to jealousy and insecurity and not just in body image. Although I definitely relate to feeling a twinge of envy when some girl claims she's not a model, but clearly fits into a 2 or a 4 dress size. It makes me think, "Oh man, if she has problems with her body and its "perfect" then what does that say about my body?" However, to be totally candid with you, I find the blogosphere makes me accept my body more than I used to because there are girls of every shape and size. I grew up with a mother in a size 0-2 dress size who constantly watches what she eats and runs excessively. It's not just a habit she keeps up for herself, but sometimes she'll make comments about what I'm wearing being too tight or how I shouldn't have that cupcake. I think I actually chalk her comments up to mean much more than they actually do out of paranoia, she's generally a fantastic loving accepting mother, but that has been one sticky part of our relationship. What really bothers me is how she thinks thinner people automatically look better in clothes. So when I go online and see girls who still look stylish without being a size 2 it makes me feel better. I've finally accepted the dress size I'm in and won't fight it anymore, but that took some time and help from this blogosphere. I didn't relate any of the above to discredit your original claim.I do note how the most popular blogs belong to girls who are as skinny as Audrey Hepburn. And it is frustrating, you have the right to be irked by it. Thank you for being so honest, that's why I love your blog Lauren!

stephanieesstar | November 13, 2010 at 7:39 AM

Hey girl! Ugh, that dress is insanely adorable! I love the puffy sleeves!

I totally feel you on this post. I will read blogs, and when everything seems to be just perfect in someone else's life, I feel that twinge of jealousy creep up. And it makes me feel like a terrible person, but I can't help it! I want to have a perfect life like some bloggers seem to have. But--I have to step back and think--I know that everyone has their ups and downs and no one's life is perfect, no matter how they make it appear! Plus, we're only getting snippets of each other, there's no way for me to know how others feel, only how they present themselves tot he readers. Everyone has their insecurities. Even the thin, adorable girls must feel doubt about themselves every once in a while. I have all sorts of insecurities including my body, my skin, my job, etc. But I know that those who truly care about me don't notice any of those things I pick on myself for. It's natural to feel gloomy about yourself, but I think you're absolutely adorable! I love your style and how you mix everything together and make it look awesome! You have amazing hair and skin!! You do amazing artwork! You have a sweet fiance and pup! And you're real! You don't skirt around things that a lot of other bloggers do--and I totally appreciate that.

Anyway, this was kind of all over the place, but just know that there are others who feel the same way! I support your blog, so don't give up!! Take care, lady!

chelsea | November 13, 2010 at 9:45 AM

1) I love this outfit. The dress over the sweater vest is so cute. This look is both girly and rugged. Like you could go shopping or hiking in it. I love the versatility.
2) Yes, it does seem the most popular fashion blogs are helmed by super thin bloggers. But I think it is more about them being photogenic than skinny. I made peace with my body long ago. Me, with my former football player for a father and Norwegian (read Viking) heritage, will never be a waif. My bones will not be a size 2. And I am okay with that.
My jealousy stemmed from these popular bloggers having endless wardrobes, countless sponsors, all kinds of free goods, and endless opportunities. Plus, they never responded when I commented. So I stopped reading. It wasn't good for my psyche and they wouldn't miss me. I feel no ill will toward them, I wish them the best, and now I will do my own thing. Try not to focus on their size or yours. I won't pretend to know what the secret trick is to become a blog superstar, but I'm pretty sure it isn't waist size. You are beautiful, I love your style, and find others who inspire you, rather than make your envy rear it's ugly head. Have you visited wardrobe_remix on flickr? You can find women (and some men) of all sizes with all kinds of fantastic styles and style blogs. Check them out!

Meg! | November 13, 2010 at 10:42 AM

This is something that I struggled with daily when I was still writing in my old blog. I felt like a fraud, trying to be a style blogger when all the "popular" blogs were run by tiny size 0 girls who didn't have to try, they just looked like models. I got cynical and resentful, and I quit. And I think I was going about it all wrong.

We shouldn't criticize ourselves based on what others are doing. Never compare yourself to others. I know, it's hard, and people do it all the time (I know I do). But to be perfectly honest, when I look at you, all I see is this gorgeous girl with an amazing sense of style and an awesome personality. And a lovely body on top of it! Not that I'm always thinking of your body... but you know. You may feel chubby, but you do not look it. I know people telling you that isn't going to make you feel any different unless you truly believe it yourself, but it's always encouraging to hear. And truly, girl, I love your body. You look natural and trim without being a stick, and you are not chubby whatsoever. I mean, I often feel a bit chubby when I look at my stomach, upper arms and thighs, but I'm pretty sure nobody even notices those things; I'm the only one. You must remember that! Nobody is judging you or your blog based on your size or weight, and if they are, then you don't want them reading it anyway.

I'm not sure what to tell you about the seeming lack of feedback. I know how frustrating it can be to try so hard to make friends and network and give other people comments, and then you go back to your blog and you have maybe 2 comments. It's rough. But I guess the thing to remember is, why are you writing this blog? Would you write it if nobody read it? If not, are you writing it for the right reasons? I dunno. Comments are great, but at the end of the day, I like to take pictures and express myself. If nobody reads it, I'll at least know my mom is reading, and I originally started my blog for her to keep up with me anyway.

Anyway... jeeeez, talk about tl;dr. But it makes me sad to read you feeling so frustrated and insecure, because I think you're beautiful, and your blog rules. (Yes I suck at commenting, but I kinda disappeared from the blogging world in general for a while there.) Just reach down inside yourself and find that extreme epic confidence I know is there!

Victoria / Justice Pirate | November 13, 2010 at 1:08 PM

I truly love and adore your blog and think you are gorgeous as you are. I completely understand how you feel though. I think a lot of the time people don't go to my blog for many reason. I don't get how some people have thousands of readers and then some amazing blogs like yours have only not even a hundred to about 300 readers. I really love your outfits. Your weight seems fine to me, but then again I've always been really thin other than when I was having babies. . I was on weight gainers at 12 years of age. I know I'm tall and thin. . .but I'm so small busted that I feel like that doesn't help. . and I have zit scars which sadly most of the time I edit them, but not always. . .I'm trying to back away from that and have been doing so). Maybe I'm getting too old? but that can't be, because I know a few really big bloggers who are the same age as me. Maybe it's my vocal beliefs? that's probably it, but doesn't bother me.

I'm going to link your blog off of mine. I haven't updated that in a while.

anyway you don't seem pudgy to me. I am very sorry that people called you fat and ugly. I was called a stick figure and ugly and flat chested and people thought I was anorexic when I still eat three meals a day as it is. ahh.

I try to comment back to my blog readers too.

I don't really think I compare myself to other bloggers. Maybe their complexions if anything if I do. . and probably breast sizes too. haha (not in a perverted way at all! Just a . . ."why couldn't I have at least a B cup?" way).


I will say that I don't get jealous really of other bloggers at all. . .but because my husband used to have a big lust problem, and I know there were a couple bloggers he did find very attractive, sometimes I get sad when I see them update even though I used to adore their blogs. . . .I just feel like I'm not good enough at times. with "why did he have to look at them all the time when he has me?" but then I remember it had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with just the addictions he had before I even came into his life of having a "certain type". . but now I'm his type since he's been lust-free (other than lusting over me). . .I don't tell people that much. . . .

Terri | November 13, 2010 at 6:39 PM

I'm going to keep my post short. I read a lot of the younger women's blogs and leave comments, partly because I want to keep some edginess in my style. You have it, as well as a wonderful spirit. In visiting your blog, I've never even thought to be critical.

I'm tall and slim, but the youngsters I visit often don't return the visit...and my self-conscious thinks it's because I'm old. :(

Amber Blue Bird | November 14, 2010 at 10:53 AM

First off, thanks for being so open and honest about this. I think a lot of ladies feel the same way but its hard to express it. I know I get insecure about my photos/posts all the time. Its hard to kind of put yourself out there but I have found that you have blog for yourself. If you are having fun with it then keep doing it, if not then try a different avenue. I for one think your photos and posts are great and love seeing your updated looks. I hope this helped you even a little. Keep your chin up :)

barefootandvintage | November 14, 2010 at 11:17 AM

i think you're great! i love your style, you appear to be totally down to earth and genuine, and i think you're insanely talented.

in your second paragraph, you said..."i love blogging"...don't forget that. maybe you started blogging in a different direction (fashion) and now you're questioning what you're doing, based on what others are doing and the response they get. you can't do that. you have to get back to blogging because you love it, because it does something for YOU.

that being said, i personally believe that style blogging hit its peak this time LAST year. maybe even sooner. those more well known bloggers timed it right, grabbed their readers and sort of pioneered the whole thing. there are SO many style bloggers now.

we've all been where you're at. no doubt about it.
i don't think it has anything to do with your weight or your style...it's timing.

maybe take a short break from blogging. concentrate on things in your life that really really matter. i guarantee when you come back...you'll be more confident. this blogging world CAN hurt your self esteem, as it's easy to get sucked into this world. remember...just because some of these girls portray something...doesn't mean that's how it really is. they might be blogging because it's all they really have. be lucky that you are talented, have a loving fiance, amazing friends...etc etc...your life outside of blogging is so much richer than what you're stressing over in the interwebs.

you're a doll. stay strong.

summertime dreams | November 14, 2010 at 11:41 AM

So here goes a ramble, cuz my thoughts are nowhere near concise or in any good order.... apologies in advance!!
I know exactly what you mean and felt compelled to comment this time around. I guess I've been a reader for a few months now, (found you through Chloe's blog.) But I have to admit I'm a bit of a quiet lurker... I can be really shy in real life, and sometimes it takes a post on a blog to really get me, before I comment. This one did. So hopefully here's to many more comments :)
I think that no matter who you are as a blogger, or in your non web life, you add to the diversity of our society, and everyone is richer for it. No matter who you are, there is always someone out there who is like you, and will identify with who you are and what you’re doing. A blogging world with just one type of person who posted about just one type if thing, wouldn’t be very interesting at all. If only skinny, or Asian, or short, or redheaded, or... or.... or... (you get the point) girls blogged, well, there would be a whole lot of people left unrepresented. And those who were unrepresented, and looking for someone like them, would feel alone. I think it’s very important for everyone to have a voice. Just as it’s important to have places to go to learn new things, and look for inspiration and get new ideas from different types of people. It’s also important to have a place to go to find the comfort that comes in knowing there are other people out there just like you.
I still find this interwebz world a bit strange in that you feel you get to know certain bloggers without ever meeting them. But, you seem like the kind of person I would enjoy being friends with in real life. Hon, I think you are a lovely person, and that your clothes look great on you. I know how you feel about being insecure some days, and that’s one of the reasons I stick to jeans most of the time. I don't post many outfit posts, and alot of that has to do with needing the courage to even put on the clothes that I would love to wear and feel comfortable wearing. I love looking at your outfits, and find the way you mix things up very inspiring! Your outfits always seem to suit you so well.
I really hope you continue your blog, cuz I like you :) and I enjoy seeing your outfits, and hearing about the gallery and all the things you get up to with your friends!
Hugs! And I hope you have a great day!
PS. Just read the words of those who commented before me. You have some wise wise girlfreinds on here :)

summertime dreams | November 14, 2010 at 11:42 AM
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Nicole | November 14, 2010 at 4:23 PM

Ahhh, the good ol' "is this blogging thing really worth it" thought. I can totally relate, especially when people don't comment. For me, this thought pops up not only when I don't get comments, but also when I'm super busy with work and/or life and I know I'm not being the best blogger. But you know what? This isn't your livelihood. It's your hobby because you enjoy putting together outfits and creating a journal of your life. And because you enjoy it, then f&$# everyone else and keep doing it. And know that there a probably a TON of lurkers who love reading and just haven't commented ;)

I can relate to having insecurities as well (who can't?!), but for me, photographing my outfits and reading others' blogs has helped me put together clothes in the best way to compliment my body. I used to get depressed because I couldn't wear certain trends due to my full chest. And I have a bit of pudge on my belly, and in the past I would have never worn high waisted skirts because I thought for sure that they would make me look fat. Blogging has made me braver and more creative so that I know what looks best on my body. I figure you only get one body per lifetime, instead of hating on it, take care of it and focus on the parts you love.

Ok I think I may have babbled, but please keep this up. I really do love to see your outfits and your art too!

~Nicole

Midwest Mayhem | November 14, 2010 at 6:20 PM

Oh Lauren, you know you're a complete doll! I know where you're coming from though. I love reading a variety of blogs with women of different shapes and sizes. When I'm browsing Chictopia or Weardrobe I'll only look at the new photos section because anyone who is featured is always really thin and looks like a model and that's not what I want to see. I want to see real girls with real style. Nothing against the thin girls, I read their blogs too, but I just want a variety.

It frustrates me when I see a girl with 1,000s of followers or she's featured on chictopia or weardrobe and all she's wearing is jeans and a t-shirt over and over again. Then I notice that she looks like a model and it makes more sense, but it is upsetting.

Also, there are probably a lot more people reading your blog than you may realize. I get myself down sometimes because I don't have many readers, but at the same time I have a good amount of people who read but don't follow or comment and we'll talk about my entries in person instead.

I really enjoy reading your blog! You have great content and your pictures are always so much fun. Your layout is amazing too and I think that makes a huge difference. I still haven't mastered that on my blog yet. :(

Stephanie | November 15, 2010 at 2:37 AM

I can understand where you're coming from. There are times where I wished I looked more slim like the blogs I read. But I realized that I love blogging because I like to share my thoughts and ideas with others and that I should stop comparing myself to other bloggers. They're doing their thing and I'm doing mine. Another thing is that now I'm doing this 30 for 30 challenge and has opened a door to bloggers that I can identify more with.
I think because I follow so many blogs, I always tend to leave comments on some of the blogs I read. Or I don't comment at all because I think the 5 or more people before posted better comments.
But I do enjoy reading your blog. It's full of original content and not just a rehash of what has been posted on other blogs. Plus you're a very talented artist. Just blog because you love it. This may sound cheesy, but like in Field of Dreams "If you build it (or in this case blog it) they will come."

CAITLIN | November 15, 2010 at 10:43 AM
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CAITLIN | November 15, 2010 at 10:43 AM

i think all bloggers have had these feelings at one time or another, and i don't think that these insecurities stem from blogger bodies necessarily, but from society's expectations for physical beauty in general. i definitely agree with barefootandvintage that the peak of style blogging was last year, and while i'm sometimes frustrated that i didn't get in on the ground floor, i've just learned to adjust my personal expectations. so maybe i'll never have 20000 followers, and i recognize that my blog probably won't take off unless i get a nicer camera, but i'm kind of okay with that at this point (don't get me wrong, i'm totally thrilled whenever i get a new follower, but i try not to let it depress me when i don't).

personally, the blogs i like best aren't just style blogs. they're lifestyle blogs. there are definitely certain bloggers that i turn to specifically when i need style inspiration, but i enjoy reading blogs that have more depth. i like to feel like i'm getting to know the person who is blogging, and that they inspire me to do more with my life than just getting dressed.

i love that you're pursuing your art, and that fashion doesn't consume your life. i just read julie's post on orchid grey today (one of the bloggers i follow almost entirely because her style is so inspirational, but also started following because she was so unique), and she mentioned that her creative energy has been waning for far longer than she would like. i have to say, i think it probably has a lot to do with the fact that she's such a popular fashion blogger--so much of her life revolves around fashion now, it's hard to make room for anything else.

what i'm trying to say is, i truly believe that you should focus 100% on what makes you happy, be it art or fashion or writing or whatever, and people will want to read about it. and if they don't? oh well! at least you'll be living a full and happy life outside of the internet (you probably know my feelings on the matter).

so, yeah. that's my point. different blogs serve different purposes for me as a reader and for the bloggers who write them. although there are definitely times when i am envious of other bloggers, but not just their appearance. their apparently perfect, happy, crafty lives also can free the green monster. however, i do think that my experience with the blogging world has been a positive personal growth experience. i never would have sewn a dress this time last year. never. i never would have started shopping at thrift stores if i didn't see all of the great things other bloggers find.

wow, way too long.

also, you are NOT chubby, by any stretch of the imagination. :)